Tag: depression

Still here

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It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. Was on medical leave for anxiety for 6 weeks. New meds are settling for now. Have Dr appt on May 3. Will discuss next steps.

The creative business is struggling because I am struggling but I have orders so I’m going in the right direction. The other supporting business I just need to get out there and start inviting people to meet my mentor so he can help me build up.

My DTF Printer finally arrived. Some minor damage so far. Haven’t printed with it yet. I am fighting anxiety left right and centre.

Went back to driving bus last week. Kids are glad I’m back. I love being with them. I’m not getting my energy back like I used to when I drove. I don’t want to feel like that around the kids. They should feel I want to be there. This is difficult for me.

I feel like a whiner which is not my intent. I felt the need to update. Hopefully over the next few weeks as I get the printer up and running and I get back in the pool I’ll be more myself.

Uphill…

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So today we are headed to Moms for the night. Tomorrow John flies out to BC.

So since I started with ACN I have earned a bonus and reached the 20 customer point milestone.

The other milestone I have reached is finally under 250 lbs.

Meds for anxiety are leveling out but I still don’t have that draw to go back to the bus.

We don’t have a return date yet for John. This is a bit of a trigger with me but I’ll be ok

I have taken medical leave because of how I’m feeling regarding mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks. Have my Dr appt Mar 22 so then we will decide what I’m doing with the school bus. Honestly, I think I may be finished. So many negative thoughts come when I think of driving.

We signed Steven up with ACN today. Which is exciting. I’d love for him to make a good income with it.

I know I pushed the idea on him and I will build his team with him.

At the moment I’m at mom’s. Not dealing with Marcel very well. My filters are hearing… I look after your Mom I deserve a part of the funds from your parents marital home. My belief is that the home that my parents share/own together has nothing to do with Marcel. The home and vehicles he owns with my Mom are all his, and only his if she should pass.

Anyway another uphill battle internally. I’ll get through this too.

New Business added

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I can’t stop… I saw a great opportunity to help people save on home services and build myself stable residual income and I took it…

This week started ok. I got my prescription filled. Started taking 2 mg Abilify Tuesday night up all night having panic/anxiety attacks. Chose safety over wages. So have taken the week off. Still having mood swings so not going Monday.

I am going to talk to Mark about switching to a Van run, reduce driving. However, this cuts into my financial support. Hence I am going to work my butt off at building this side business and then driving won’t be my support for Uniquelyys.ca

Our house is slowly coming back to being a home. Things are staying clean longer and less cluttered.

John is more animated lately. Which is great. Weird and uncomfortable in a way. I’ll get used to it.

Hard to manage my mood swings but only gotten through week 1, so looking forward to balance soon.

Learning new methods
My new profile pic.

Adjustments

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So I started Abilify 2 mg last Wed and last night I had panic attacks almost the full night. I did not drive the bus today because I knew I would not be completely attentive and I’m exhausted.

I decided to take the rest of the week off to allow my body to adjust to the meds. I’m struggling with guilt for leaving the company short handed but I could not allow myself to drive and take the chance of something going wrong as I adjust.

I’ve teamed up with my Sister Cheryl in a business. We will be helping people save money and building a team together while we do this.

I am starting to get orders again. So things are starting up. I unfortunately lost an opportunity as I can’t compete with companies that can offer products below my acquisition cost.

More changes

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The train is in constant motion. Whether it be on the mental health track, physical health, financial health, relationships or other. It is always in motion.

As I strive to be better and healthier I am met with more realizations. I am not someone who likes change but I constantly make changes as I strive for better.

This week I met with a psychiatrist and he has added a new med that should compliment what I am already on and help me stabilize my anxiety. This will help me move forward in so many directions.

I have to admit I am nervous it will negatively affect me and my driving career with the school bus. I rely on the school bus to support my business and my mental health. I rely on it for so much as it has been my best stabilizer through the past 23 yrs. Losing this would be a huge loss for me. I rely on it financially as well for just knowing I have the funds to meet our needs as they come.

We just went through a week of snow days and holidays mixed with a weekend and losing that routine was not easy.

I did use the time to catch up on bookkeeping for our 2020 files. Next will be getting 2021 caught up. Then focus on inventory and then advertising/website development.

The house is coming together as I have had assistance from a couple friends over the past couple weeks. My mental health worker and Home Support has been great.

So here I am moving along on the track of life. Sometimes speeding on a straight way, easy going. Other times more than not, up-hill on a bend as slowly and safely as possible. But still progressing.

Thanks for your support as you read this. I truly appreciate it.

Move started

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We were able to start moving stuff into the new space today.

Excited to see how this space will work for us to grow and expand. I love all the windows and clear line of site over the neighboring farm fields.

This week I have a few things to finish and then I can focus on packing the rest of the equipment and moving it over next weekend.

I put larger decals on our van. I realized I should have put the QR code on it but I can add it. I printed them a little larger than I should have so we put them on the side window. I’ll print them again so they can go on the other side.

I also started getting help from my mental health worker with getting through my anxiety attacks when I’m decluttering at home. She referred me to housing support.

I had my first meeting with housing support and we have set up a weekly session of an hour to move through the house. We have it set for 1 year.

John and I continue to meet with our life coach through the COPE program. We are working towards our goals and starting to work together better. We really didn’t have huge issues but we were both having difficulties individually and this has given us a way to support each other and come together as a stronger couple.

I am thankful for the support we have been getting and for John taking the help.

2022 New Beginnings

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The year has begun and already we have some big changes happening.

1 Probably getting a new dog to join our home. His name is Brody and he is Johns uncles dog. Unfortunately, Uncle Fred passed and that has left Uncle Mike alone with the responsibility of caring for him and he is a Doberman Pincer so a large dog. We are unsure of when this will happen but it will be a big change for him as he is born and raised in Victoria BC. So the climate is very different than here. All the same we will give him a loving home to be in. Honestly, I am excited to have a large dog again.

2 We have decided to move the manufacturing part of Uniquely Ys to another location for growth, the new location is in Arnprior and that means I will have an extra hour a day to work in between bus runs. The space is the upstairs with lots of Natural Sunlight and lots of room to move around in. John will take one of the rooms and Stan will be taking the other. There is a huge property that we can make use of. This is a big change but movement into progression.

3 Christmas break has been extended till Jan 17th so far… So I’m using the time to do up straggling orders but also going to be working on the website and preparing for the move.

4 Mental Health is so far stable, I have support from Community Mental Health and still continuing with COPE (Couples Overcoming PTSD Everyday) We are fortunate to have these available.

5 Mom has a Tumor on her Thyroid Gland and is waiting to find out what they are going to do about it. In the meantime she is down to 87 lbs and very lethargic, weak. I am hoping that after the surgery (whenever that may be) that she will start to get better again.

So as you see lots of things going on. I’m trying my best to stay healthy mentally. As I know I can put myself under a ton of extra pressure trying to do everything all at once.

oh and side note Covid Finally hit our Family. Steven and Rain had it. Thankfully they are both Vaccinated and it didn’t effect them to bad. They are both fine. It has hit a few of my friends as well but no one we normally associate with so for the time being we are ok.

Stay Safe and Healthy as much as possible.


COPE

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John and I did a full week of intense therapy. We did a program called COPE Couples Overcoming PTSD Everday.

We were part of a 4 couple group. We stayed at a resort and everything was taken care of. Food/lodging ect.

John and I had some intense moments together. Dealing with our combined PTSD is not easy and we built some tools and dusted some others off…

We had an issue with the landlord before we left and had to deal with that while we were away. He wanted Dylan out of the house before we left. Told us Friday and we left Sunday morning. So we got a paralegal to draw up a letter to him to remind him he is overstepping.

We are now nervous with the relationship we will have with him as we move forward. We are now thinking we will no longer be living there long term.

Mom was in hospital for 3 days as well her kidneys and liver are in distress. So she was in hospital being monitored. She us home again and is doing better.

BC is flooding. I checked on Dad and he is ok. Our old house that we started our marriage in is under water but it is in the Sumas Prairie which was a lake before the 40’s… so not sure if it will recover.

Jason is busy driving supplies in from the train to wherever.

Uncle Jim is on his last days… so John will be going out west soon.

So many changes. Also Vera is going back to Belgium.

I am trying to cope with everything but I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Fall 2021

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So much has been going on since the last time I rook the time to post.

Currently we have Dylan living with us with his Dog Sid and her 9 4 week old pups… trying very hard not to get attached and beg John to keep one haha… trying…

Store is starting to pick up. I have a few orders and more are coming… Truckers Tourettes is going to build up. Needing new equipment to support the demand.

Replaced a mug press with the next one that does so much more. Ordered many more blanks.

Working with Jon and Vera the artists in house. To help sell their art but also increase the awareness of what can be done.

We are finally going to the COPE program on November 14. Will be away for the week. So will no bus or store for the full week. Looking forward to it as we have been on the waiting list for over 2 yrs.

I finally have a mental health worker again. Cassidy. Will work through the workbooks from bounce back with her.

Lots of moving forward…

I need to record that I’m still in a ton of pain from my left achiles tendon. Getting worse and sciatica is starting to act up again.

Uncle Jim is in hospital again. Prostate cancer and not sure what else. John is preparing for a funeral. I won’t be able to go with him.

Jaimie is coming to inspect again… we hired Rhonda to get house back in order. Mel is going to come up and help as needed. Dylan is building a space in the barn for him and Sid.

I think I have most of it caught up now.

Projects getting done