COPE

John and I did a full week of intense therapy. We did a program called COPE Couples Overcoming PTSD Everday.

We were part of a 4 couple group. We stayed at a resort and everything was taken care of. Food/lodging ect.

John and I had some intense moments together. Dealing with our combined PTSD is not easy and we built some tools and dusted some others off…

We had an issue with the landlord before we left and had to deal with that while we were away. He wanted Dylan out of the house before we left. Told us Friday and we left Sunday morning. So we got a paralegal to draw up a letter to him to remind him he is overstepping.

We are now nervous with the relationship we will have with him as we move forward. We are now thinking we will no longer be living there long term.

Mom was in hospital for 3 days as well her kidneys and liver are in distress. So she was in hospital being monitored. She us home again and is doing better.

BC is flooding. I checked on Dad and he is ok. Our old house that we started our marriage in is under water but it is in the Sumas Prairie which was a lake before the 40’s… so not sure if it will recover.

Jason is busy driving supplies in from the train to wherever.

Uncle Jim is on his last days… so John will be going out west soon.

So many changes. Also Vera is going back to Belgium.

I am trying to cope with everything but I’m feeling overwhelmed.

Missing you!

Today is my Sister’s 49th birthday. She passed away in March of 2017. We are 17 months apart. I’m the older.

Waking up today and realizing today is this particular day is hard. I want so much for to be able to call her and wish her a happy birthday.

I know she is no longer in pain and that her passing before Covid was a huge blessing. She would have suffered greatly through the past 2 yrs.

This picture is before she started to really go down hill.

She was very giggly and extremely vocal. Lol Not many memories of her being silent. She would talk me through my toughest times by just talking about whatever. Sometimes repeating herself because I would lose track of the conversation.

Today is a rough one but I know she is better where she is.

Fall 2021

So much has been going on since the last time I rook the time to post.

Currently we have Dylan living with us with his Dog Sid and her 9 4 week old pups… trying very hard not to get attached and beg John to keep one haha… trying…

Store is starting to pick up. I have a few orders and more are coming… Truckers Tourettes is going to build up. Needing new equipment to support the demand.

Replaced a mug press with the next one that does so much more. Ordered many more blanks.

Working with Jon and Vera the artists in house. To help sell their art but also increase the awareness of what can be done.

We are finally going to the COPE program on November 14. Will be away for the week. So will no bus or store for the full week. Looking forward to it as we have been on the waiting list for over 2 yrs.

I finally have a mental health worker again. Cassidy. Will work through the workbooks from bounce back with her.

Lots of moving forward…

I need to record that I’m still in a ton of pain from my left achiles tendon. Getting worse and sciatica is starting to act up again.

Uncle Jim is in hospital again. Prostate cancer and not sure what else. John is preparing for a funeral. I won’t be able to go with him.

Jaimie is coming to inspect again… we hired Rhonda to get house back in order. Mel is going to come up and help as needed. Dylan is building a space in the barn for him and Sid.

I think I have most of it caught up now.

Projects getting done

1st Week Back ✔

So we went back on Tuesday. Mostly the same as usual. Road work, silly drivers, great kids, stressed out on the silliest of things…

I have 2 of my students back from online learning and 3 new students. One of them I have not even met yet but I know he will be on the bus. I’ll be doing up the name badges tomorrow.

Vera and I are sharing the driving from Ottawa back and forth between bus runs. We are helping each other at the store. I spoke with her today to let her know that if she feels crowded or imposed upon to let me know. She told me that was not even a thought. We found out we both have the same internal self speech and anxieties. We will help each other grow.

Charlene flew to Edmonton this morning. I made sure she knew that my saying that I won’t miss her was just a facade and in fact I will miss her dearly. I feel like another Sister has left me. I want what is best for her. I feel that being with her family out there will be such a great blessing for her. How lucky she is to have Grandchildren and the opportunity to be with them as they grow. She has her daughters in-laws welcoming her with open arms. She will finally have the love and support of family that she completely deserves.

Fred has brought me some backgrounds for my displays and things are starting to look much better. I need to focus on my website this weekend but tomorrow getting the space cleaned up and visually pleasing again.

I spoke with Jon and told him to go ahead with any resin art that he wants and if he needs anything to let me know. I want to focus on the CNC skills right now. Get that going before the Christmas rush.

I lost a sale today. My Square would not connect and as we were trying the lady put her card away twice. I had Vera come and try with hers and the customers card failed. I think she purposely put the wrong pin in. It was a spontaneous order so… I think the delay made her change her mind.

I have a tumbler that a customer gave me the art it was from a teen daughter that is now deceased. I decided not to contact the family to ask permission to sell it as it as it was ordered as a gift to the mother of the deceased as a gift.

So I will offer other possibilities to the person wanting it. Not sure if this is the best action but I believe so.

I’m mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.

Back to School

My last night before going back to work as a school bus driver. Feeling excited, and nervous. Have not had to wake early for about 9 months. Hoping I’ll be ok in the morning. So excited to see the kids.

So many emotions!

I have been working on my website as I changed servers. It is quite daunting as I need to redo all my products. I am lacking in product descriptions but I will figure that out.

So my busy days are starting again. 7-10 bus, 10:30-2:30 Store, 3-5:30 bus

This is Charlenes last week here. She flies to Alberta on Friday. She is staying here with us.

Our house is full. Dylan and his dog Sid are also staying here till he figures out what he needs and gets sorted.

John is feeling a bit overwhelmed but we are managing.

Ok time for bed

August

Well that went fast. Next Tuesday I go back to work driving the bus again. I can’t explain how excited and happy I am to be with the kids again.

I have 3 new students that I’m excited to meet. I am going to do up the name tags this weekend.

I have switched hosting sites for my website so I am going to work on building it over the weekend. I am happy I will be saving some money but wish I didn’t do this switch at this time.

I am building healthier relationships which is great.

I am working on my mental health with the Bounce Back program. I did the first couple workbooks and am going to work through the next one on being assertive and building healthy boundaries.

We had a great visit with Grandma and took the dogs with us. The trailer was comfortable for the most part. We were in a heat wave so it was a bit hot in the afternoon but thank goodness for AC. Rusty and Sasha are great travelers.

Daryon and Taylor looked after Ester and Dylan looked after Mya, Rio and Copy Cat. Everyone survived lol

So now onto working the store and driving the bus. Getting my bookkeeping up to date with Wendy. Starting singing lessons to build up my confidence again.

Really trying not to overload myself as I am not wanting a crash. So I am trying to build a safety net of support to help me through this.

New beginnings

The past month has been busy.

I’ve been to Moms twice. The first visit was for our birthdays. We had a breakfast outing and Mom tried to swim in her pool. I enjoyed it but she got overwhelmed quickly. I showed her how to use the noodle and that helped but the pool is cool and gets deep fast.

The next visit was to exchange laptops. Her screen isn’t working. She took it to the computer repair guy in the mall and he basically ripped the screen out and then told Mom she bought the wrong replacement. Gave it back to her in pieces and charged her $75… I now have it and she has my ACER.

Last weekend Vera opened her store in the market across from me. I’m so excited that she is there. We are all working together.

I set up the CNC and surfaced my spoilboard to the point that it will not be able to be surfaced again. Lol

John has moved into my booth and is doing up whips, bracelets and Keychains. He is a huge help. I know it is hard for him to be there all day but he pushes himself to do so.

Daryon has changed employers. He starts tomorrow at Pembroke Nissan. I am so excited for him. He will learn lots and grow with this experience. Canadian Tire tried to persuade him to stay. It made it really tough on him to make the change but I think this was a great move.

Steven and Rain are doing well. They went to the gym today so that is great. Much more motivated than I am lol.

School should be starting at the end of this month. Looking forward to that.

Going to visit Grandma first. We will go from Monday to Thursday.

So all new starts this month. Looking forward to the next few months to see where things are going.

50 yr birthday

I am now 50 yrs old. I had a great day which I spent with family and friends.

I received many Birthday wishes. Had a BBQ lunch at home with John and the missionaries. They helped us with yard work.

We then went to have dinner with Daryon and Taylor. We enjoyed steaks cooked on an open fire, fresh veggies and dip. Had an ice cream cake.

I also had moments where I thought of those that are no longer here with us. My big sister (not biological related) and I share our birthday. She passed away a few years ago of stomach cancer. I miss our chats and supporting each other. Mostly she supported me through the years.

A dear friend who also passed of cancer a few years ago. We would celebrate our birthday together as it was only a few days apart.

I cherish these memories and many more as I have been blessed with many good people in my life. I hope that I can be a good friend to all that need me. I wish to be supportive and encouraging.

My goals in life is to hopefully leave each relationship better then when it began. Even if it ends negatively that the person can think of something positive out of the relationship.

I am so thankful for everyone in my life. Looking forward to another year of lessons and opportunities to grow.

Progress

This has been a busy week. Started off with an order for 6 t-shirts and a couple more orders.

Been working on some resin art pieces. Also some other orders are coming in. Feels good to have something to work with.

We are getting 2 retired breeding hedgehogs at the end of June so I’ll have them in my household again. I just love the temperaments of these fun creatures. These 2 are both 2 yrs old.

We are still in lockdown #3 till June 2. No word on when we will be going back to work. I don’t imagine we are going till September. However, that is just a possibility. Who knows with politics.

John has been doing a lot of outside work this week and his moods have improved. The warmer weather has been a huge help.

I have connected with Bounceback Ontario and waiting for a response. I have also reconnected with Community Mental Health. I am on the waiting list for a case worker.

Things are progressing in a positive at this moment. Hoping to continue the momentum.