Tag: family

Plans

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We are still in Covid Lockdown #3. Not sure if schools are going to open up before end of the year. Still running store as curbside pick-up.

I have ordered more molds and different stuff for the epoxy resin. I am trying new things with it. One of the other vendors in the market works with resin as well and we are doing a lot of supporting each other and helping each other grow our ideas. He is a great artist and he already had me do a transfer of his art on a shirt.

I will be getting a CNC to add to our equipment. Which is exciting as we are going to be able to do so much more.

The full focus of my shop is still going to custom personalized art. Just will have the option to add other products.

As for personal plans. I have reconnected with Community Mental Health and am going to see which programs will help me get through this bought of depression and anxiety.

John is waiting for the OT to assess him to see which programs he is eligible to help him.

You can tell we aren’t doing the best as our home is cluttered and disorganized. Having someone come in every other week to do a refresh is helpful but I’m not getting through the clutter and it is very draining.

I am going to keep focusing on building the business presence online and grow the network.

Building Jays logo for Trucker Tourettes has been draining. I think we are getting it where it needs to be.

Forward thinking and ignoring the wishy washy news of when things are going to reopen is how I am going about my days.

Anniversary

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Not our wedding anniversary yet. 4 yrs ago today my sister passed away. We are 17 months apart. She is the younger.

Nadene was the brightest light and loudest in our family. Being a middle child she played that role well.

Even though it has been 4 yrs, some days it feels just like yesterday she was on the other end of the phone. Yammering away with her stories and dramas.

She had a rough life but she could always make you smile and people were drawn to her.

This is just a quick post as I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the loss but more on trying to keep her light going.

Childhood Trauma

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So as the oldest of 3 I took on a lot of responsibility growing up. My earliest memories are of my sister and I huddled together listening to horrible fights between my parents.

My parents separated for a year when I was 6 and we were taken to BC from ON. Leaving our Mother in ON. This put me in a role of care taker of my young siblings. Sister just turned 5 and my brother was 2.

We lived with relatives and then with a woman and her children for a while.

Mom moved to BC to come join us. We had 5 great years as a family. Could not have asked for better. Than things fell apart and I took on the role of mediator and continued my role of care taker of my siblings.

Both of my siblings remember our family lives very much differently than I do. I know they didn’t see what I did and they didn’t know what I do. This makes it hard for them to understand where I come from when I start to defend things about our mother. Who finally left the marriage when I was 28 and I told her I was done being a mediator.

I am realizing just how much trauma I went through and why I process things so differently than my siblings.

These are hard to accept at times before I had the mindset that I had an ok life without abuse ect. Now I’m realizing just how much was there.

We have raised our sons who are now in their own relationships and I’m hoping that I was able to give them the tools that I didn’t have to handle the tough stuff that comes up.

Building a business with self doubt

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So since my sister passed away close to 4 yrs ago, I decided I would push myself to be more out there.

Nadene was so vibrant and loud. You could not miss the fact she was around. She was brave and would push boundaries without too much hesitation.

So with her loss and realizing that I have lived my life within so many strict boundaries causing huge issues of self doubt, feelings of not being worthy of good things.

I realized that I need to take her example and be more. See myself the way others see me. Not be responsible for everything and everyone.

I decided that I would take the plunge and go full force into my own business.

I am fighting myself doubt and self worthless feelings nearly every day. I am pushing past the idea of providing perfection.

I want to provide custom personalized products but not at the expense of my mental health so I am working on wording to put out there that helps my client to understand that my products are “imperfectly unique” with bits of character.

I am also trying to figure out my marketing as this is not MLM so no marketing tools already built and ready to use.

I have many years of Sales and Marketing but now I am also the creator/designer.

I’m so thankful for all the support and guidance I do get just wishing I had the language to put it out there.

My sister would be very proud of the progress I’ve made so far and I keep the photo collage I did up of her timeline with me at the store to push me when the self doubt stirs.

Grief

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Today seems to be a rough one. My childhood friend lost her husband earlier this month to a long term illness and because of Covid his memorial service was shared by Zoom. I was able to watch it after and I am very happy that I was able to because I never got the chance to meet him.

Today is the 3rd yr anniversary to my big sisters passing of cancer. George and I are birthday twins. She is 4 yrs older than me and my Brother Dave and his 3 children have a huge hole in their lives right now. I miss being able to reach out for that sisterhood connection that we had. She had the biggest heart but was strong and taught me to stand up for myself. I fail at that at times.

So today I’m grieving. I’m in the midst of covid reopening but not able to get myself out for full escapes.

I’ve been uptight and very emotional. I’m hoping this will pass soon.

Covid 19 continued

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Hi so I finally went back to work on Monday Feb 1. Very happy to be back, however we are still in lockdown till the 11 th I believe then things will open again with restrictions.

I’m hoping for the Gym, Restaurants and stores. I need to have some of my coping tools back.

So since Christmas I’ve had a few orders here and there. I’ve been distracted so had to redo a few of them as my application fails me. I did finally make a shirt for myself. The stars represent my losses this past year. Trooper July, Harriet Sep, Fern Dec and Rosie Jan. I have had a rough go with staving off my depressions but I am lucky to have the friends and family I do have to help me get through.

We have added a new family member his name is Copy Cat. He is a brave love bird lol. Except he is not hand tame. He will fly to me and sit on me, give kisses but as soon as I try to touch him he moves away. Working with him to gain his trust. Only had him for a week now.

As far as the store is going we’ve been in lockdown but I’ve gone in and worked on stuff and it’s coming together. Uniquelyys.ca is continually being updated. Need to work on the paperwork side of the business this month. Hoping we can open up to the public again soon.

Copy Cat in converted cage setup

Mya and Copy Cat
My Shirt representing my losses

End of September

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Last week of September. So far I’ve had 1 student off bus to be tested (negative) because he doesn’t go to school on his moms week. I have another 3 being tested because their parents are teachers (expect negative). Jeremy and I have already tested each other. So school is off to a great start. I have a new little she is 4.

Getting in some orders and working on Tumblers. Trying to figure out how to do a few things with the programs. I like learning new things and testing my abilities.

Chris is going to work on the website and build it up. I think T-shirts are going to be a big seller and I’m not completely sure I want to go that route but I will if I can Sublimate them…

Mom is supposed to move tomorrow but the new owners have asked for an extension on the sale of the farm and so she is stressed. Find out later today what they will be doing.

I finally got myself back in the pool today. Was so sore this weekend but now I feel better. Swimming for the win!

September

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So far I’ve been home over a week and back to work for a week.

House is crowded and unorganized of course but John has been doing a lot of upkeep. It is my own failing to be honest. I am so drained.

I’ve had a few orders to complete and most are done and shipped or delivered. Tried the convection oven method and it works great.

Having a hard time getting to sleep and not getting the rest needed. So going to go back on Trazadone to get myself sorted again. I just started the toprimate as well and it is helping with the anxiety and picking.

I’ve been having issues with allergies and asthma. The asthma is due to the disinfectant we use on the bus. So far I’ve not gotten to the gym in between runs because I’m exhausted and go home to nap. Going to try getting there tomorrow and Friday.

I have Troopers ashes in the urn now just need a picture on it. Then I will be settled with that. I’m not ready to put him outside. Not sure if I’m going to.

We are looking at trying to get a mortgage for a house we saw on Garden of Eden Rd. It would suit us perfectly. Our credit rating with Equifax is poor so will need to find a lender that will work with us.

As for the bus the McEvenues are homeschooling but everyone else is back. I’ve added a couple stops but that is really only 1 extra family as I have Coda no matter which parent he is with now.

Wearing a mask is not an issue. Only problem is trying to look down and not trip on things or when I’m writing it blocks my view but driving is fine.

We spray the bus after each run before leaving the bus. As I mentioned it is aggravating my lungs but I’m hoping to adjust or get permission to use Soluguard.

Final descent for this year.

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We are currently descending and John will be at the airport to pick me up.

I’m super glad I bought myself a new suitcase combo. I am able to put my cpap in the carry on and all the tumblers plus my clothing fit in the suitcase. Without using the extender part of it.

Had a great night with Cheryl and family.

I’m trying not to feel sad about going home to a place without my Trooper. It is super frustrating for me.

Troopers favourite spot to be with me.

Tonight we are going to stay at the hotel and tomorrow pick up Char and head back to Renfrew.

On the go…

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Juno was picked up from the pound yesterday morning thankfully she was found and safe.

Bought a phone for Jay yesterday, he promised to pay me back… by end September. I’m hoping he will follow through.

This morning I left around 7:30. Arrived in time that the ticket booth guy thought I could make the 9 AM ferry. Nope. On the 10… that’s ok. It is the time I booked.

Brook stopped in for a bit yesterday before she went with her Mom. She had me download Snapchat. Lol…

I’m really tired, and have a day of visiting ahead of me. I’m excited as I get some time with Steven and get to meet Rain his boyfriend.