Tag: grief

Building a business with self doubt

YdonoLeave a comment

So since my sister passed away close to 4 yrs ago, I decided I would push myself to be more out there.

Nadene was so vibrant and loud. You could not miss the fact she was around. She was brave and would push boundaries without too much hesitation.

So with her loss and realizing that I have lived my life within so many strict boundaries causing huge issues of self doubt, feelings of not being worthy of good things.

I realized that I need to take her example and be more. See myself the way others see me. Not be responsible for everything and everyone.

I decided that I would take the plunge and go full force into my own business.

I am fighting myself doubt and self worthless feelings nearly every day. I am pushing past the idea of providing perfection.

I want to provide custom personalized products but not at the expense of my mental health so I am working on wording to put out there that helps my client to understand that my products are “imperfectly unique” with bits of character.

I am also trying to figure out my marketing as this is not MLM so no marketing tools already built and ready to use.

I have many years of Sales and Marketing but now I am also the creator/designer.

I’m so thankful for all the support and guidance I do get just wishing I had the language to put it out there.

My sister would be very proud of the progress I’ve made so far and I keep the photo collage I did up of her timeline with me at the store to push me when the self doubt stirs.

Grief

Ydono1 Comment

Today seems to be a rough one. My childhood friend lost her husband earlier this month to a long term illness and because of Covid his memorial service was shared by Zoom. I was able to watch it after and I am very happy that I was able to because I never got the chance to meet him.

Today is the 3rd yr anniversary to my big sisters passing of cancer. George and I are birthday twins. She is 4 yrs older than me and my Brother Dave and his 3 children have a huge hole in their lives right now. I miss being able to reach out for that sisterhood connection that we had. She had the biggest heart but was strong and taught me to stand up for myself. I fail at that at times.

So today I’m grieving. I’m in the midst of covid reopening but not able to get myself out for full escapes.

I’ve been uptight and very emotional. I’m hoping this will pass soon.

Covid 19 continued

YdonoLeave a comment

Hi so I finally went back to work on Monday Feb 1. Very happy to be back, however we are still in lockdown till the 11 th I believe then things will open again with restrictions.

I’m hoping for the Gym, Restaurants and stores. I need to have some of my coping tools back.

So since Christmas I’ve had a few orders here and there. I’ve been distracted so had to redo a few of them as my application fails me. I did finally make a shirt for myself. The stars represent my losses this past year. Trooper July, Harriet Sep, Fern Dec and Rosie Jan. I have had a rough go with staving off my depressions but I am lucky to have the friends and family I do have to help me get through.

We have added a new family member his name is Copy Cat. He is a brave love bird lol. Except he is not hand tame. He will fly to me and sit on me, give kisses but as soon as I try to touch him he moves away. Working with him to gain his trust. Only had him for a week now.

As far as the store is going we’ve been in lockdown but I’ve gone in and worked on stuff and it’s coming together. Uniquelyys.ca is continually being updated. Need to work on the paperwork side of the business this month. Hoping we can open up to the public again soon.

Copy Cat in converted cage setup

Mya and Copy Cat
My Shirt representing my losses

September

YdonoLeave a comment

So far I’ve been home over a week and back to work for a week.

House is crowded and unorganized of course but John has been doing a lot of upkeep. It is my own failing to be honest. I am so drained.

I’ve had a few orders to complete and most are done and shipped or delivered. Tried the convection oven method and it works great.

Having a hard time getting to sleep and not getting the rest needed. So going to go back on Trazadone to get myself sorted again. I just started the toprimate as well and it is helping with the anxiety and picking.

I’ve been having issues with allergies and asthma. The asthma is due to the disinfectant we use on the bus. So far I’ve not gotten to the gym in between runs because I’m exhausted and go home to nap. Going to try getting there tomorrow and Friday.

I have Troopers ashes in the urn now just need a picture on it. Then I will be settled with that. I’m not ready to put him outside. Not sure if I’m going to.

We are looking at trying to get a mortgage for a house we saw on Garden of Eden Rd. It would suit us perfectly. Our credit rating with Equifax is poor so will need to find a lender that will work with us.

As for the bus the McEvenues are homeschooling but everyone else is back. I’ve added a couple stops but that is really only 1 extra family as I have Coda no matter which parent he is with now.

Wearing a mask is not an issue. Only problem is trying to look down and not trip on things or when I’m writing it blocks my view but driving is fine.

We spray the bus after each run before leaving the bus. As I mentioned it is aggravating my lungs but I’m hoping to adjust or get permission to use Soluguard.

Trooper is home

YdonoLeave a comment

I’m still in Alberta. The apartment is so quiet now that they have left to go camping. I’m literally alone, no vehicle and not going anywhere till Friday.

John has picked up Troopers ashes and his paw print. I am sitting here crying missing him so much. I’m happy we have his ashes and I’m pleased I won’t be dusting dust. He will be in the urn in the garden and when we move he can come to the new home.

I’ve been thinking of what type of dog will be our next family member and hoping that some of Troopers traits will be seen in the new addition. Which won’t be for a long while.

I think tomorrow will be a complete shutdown day for me.

Friday Cheryl is coming to pick me up I’ll be with her till I fly out to BC on Sunday. I will spend 4 days with Jason.

Then I will fly back here to fly out on Friday to go back to ON. John will pick me up and we will go camp for the night. Then see Mom.

Missing Trooper

YdonoLeave a comment

Days have literally ran in to each other as I apparently have been trying to avoid facing this loss.

Trooper was my dog and was always here for me. My constant companion and would be waiting for me as I came home. The empty couch and empty dog bed is extremely hard.

He was the most loving dog and he never had issues with other animals. He loved everyone.

I know as time goes I’ll get used to him not being here but for now it is just hard.

I’m thankful for John and his patience with my breakdowns.