Tag: mental health

Still here

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It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. Was on medical leave for anxiety for 6 weeks. New meds are settling for now. Have Dr appt on May 3. Will discuss next steps.

The creative business is struggling because I am struggling but I have orders so I’m going in the right direction. The other supporting business I just need to get out there and start inviting people to meet my mentor so he can help me build up.

My DTF Printer finally arrived. Some minor damage so far. Haven’t printed with it yet. I am fighting anxiety left right and centre.

Went back to driving bus last week. Kids are glad I’m back. I love being with them. I’m not getting my energy back like I used to when I drove. I don’t want to feel like that around the kids. They should feel I want to be there. This is difficult for me.

I feel like a whiner which is not my intent. I felt the need to update. Hopefully over the next few weeks as I get the printer up and running and I get back in the pool I’ll be more myself.

Rusty

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Rustys last day!

Rusty came to us when he was 3 yrs old he was a yappy happy dog. 4 lbs and full of bravery and well to be honest stupidity lol…

He loved his fur siblings Mya and Trooper I would catch the 3 of them sleeping all together.

We put Trooper down 2 yrs ago when he was 12 and now that Rusty is 12 he has joined him.

Rusty has been in a lot of pain over the past while, so much so that we even used CBD oil to give him some relief. It helped but not enough…

I’ve been preparing for this day, however I don’t know if you can truly prepare for these days.

Rusty taught me that I can love and cherish even the smallest of the canines lol 4 lbs of pure love!

Uphill…

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So today we are headed to Moms for the night. Tomorrow John flies out to BC.

So since I started with ACN I have earned a bonus and reached the 20 customer point milestone.

The other milestone I have reached is finally under 250 lbs.

Meds for anxiety are leveling out but I still don’t have that draw to go back to the bus.

We don’t have a return date yet for John. This is a bit of a trigger with me but I’ll be ok

I have taken medical leave because of how I’m feeling regarding mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks. Have my Dr appt Mar 22 so then we will decide what I’m doing with the school bus. Honestly, I think I may be finished. So many negative thoughts come when I think of driving.

We signed Steven up with ACN today. Which is exciting. I’d love for him to make a good income with it.

I know I pushed the idea on him and I will build his team with him.

At the moment I’m at mom’s. Not dealing with Marcel very well. My filters are hearing… I look after your Mom I deserve a part of the funds from your parents marital home. My belief is that the home that my parents share/own together has nothing to do with Marcel. The home and vehicles he owns with my Mom are all his, and only his if she should pass.

Anyway another uphill battle internally. I’ll get through this too.

New Business added

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I can’t stop… I saw a great opportunity to help people save on home services and build myself stable residual income and I took it…

This week started ok. I got my prescription filled. Started taking 2 mg Abilify Tuesday night up all night having panic/anxiety attacks. Chose safety over wages. So have taken the week off. Still having mood swings so not going Monday.

I am going to talk to Mark about switching to a Van run, reduce driving. However, this cuts into my financial support. Hence I am going to work my butt off at building this side business and then driving won’t be my support for Uniquelyys.ca

Our house is slowly coming back to being a home. Things are staying clean longer and less cluttered.

John is more animated lately. Which is great. Weird and uncomfortable in a way. I’ll get used to it.

Hard to manage my mood swings but only gotten through week 1, so looking forward to balance soon.

Learning new methods
My new profile pic.

Adjustments

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So I started Abilify 2 mg last Wed and last night I had panic attacks almost the full night. I did not drive the bus today because I knew I would not be completely attentive and I’m exhausted.

I decided to take the rest of the week off to allow my body to adjust to the meds. I’m struggling with guilt for leaving the company short handed but I could not allow myself to drive and take the chance of something going wrong as I adjust.

I’ve teamed up with my Sister Cheryl in a business. We will be helping people save money and building a team together while we do this.

I am starting to get orders again. So things are starting up. I unfortunately lost an opportunity as I can’t compete with companies that can offer products below my acquisition cost.

Sunday

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We have made a decision that Sundays will be our time. This day is for family and refresh.

Today we relaxed till 11 am. Then as I only have today to get stuff done here I made the decision that priority was hedgehog and Laundry.

We have a birthday dinner tp go to but other than that we will be home.

I find the week is quite busy and with adding in my journey for healing it has made it even busier.

I have been taking the new medication for 3 days now. The first morning I was groggy but the last 2 I didn’t take it with the other 2 night time pills and I feel ok.

More changes

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The train is in constant motion. Whether it be on the mental health track, physical health, financial health, relationships or other. It is always in motion.

As I strive to be better and healthier I am met with more realizations. I am not someone who likes change but I constantly make changes as I strive for better.

This week I met with a psychiatrist and he has added a new med that should compliment what I am already on and help me stabilize my anxiety. This will help me move forward in so many directions.

I have to admit I am nervous it will negatively affect me and my driving career with the school bus. I rely on the school bus to support my business and my mental health. I rely on it for so much as it has been my best stabilizer through the past 23 yrs. Losing this would be a huge loss for me. I rely on it financially as well for just knowing I have the funds to meet our needs as they come.

We just went through a week of snow days and holidays mixed with a weekend and losing that routine was not easy.

I did use the time to catch up on bookkeeping for our 2020 files. Next will be getting 2021 caught up. Then focus on inventory and then advertising/website development.

The house is coming together as I have had assistance from a couple friends over the past couple weeks. My mental health worker and Home Support has been great.

So here I am moving along on the track of life. Sometimes speeding on a straight way, easy going. Other times more than not, up-hill on a bend as slowly and safely as possible. But still progressing.

Thanks for your support as you read this. I truly appreciate it.

Adjusting…

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So after the initial plan of moving just the manufacturing over to the new location, we have now completely moved.

This means that I am now adjusting how things will look and work here. I am adjusting to this as this was not my plan. We were going to be sharing a space with another Vendor but he felt the space didn’t work for him with my products in it. So we decided to pull out completely. I feel betrayed and am in a bit of shock but I am getting there.

At least I am away from the daily drama and don’t have to deal with certain issues anymore. I know that I am part of the issue as I am someone who will speak my truth and sometimes I don’t have the best filter.

I am not someone who adjusts to change easily and it will take me sometime to get there. Also not someone who can understand the way people treat each other. The negativity is not what I work well in and I am a mediator type of personality so I am always trying to fix issues that are not mine to fix. I do understand where that comes from but have yet to be able to walk away from doing it.

I know I am feeling hurt and betrayed but I don’t believe that was anyone’s intention. Trying to wrap my head around this is going to really take me some time and energy to keep going.

I just have 1 more load to get from the Market then we are done.

On the home front John and I are still continuing with COPE part 2 (part 2). We are now doing every other week sessions with our Coach and we are moving to complete some of our goals.

1 Being that we are decluttering the home and making it more of a comfortable space for the both of us. I have my Mental Health Worker every other week and Home Support weekly.

I know I don’t ask for help easily and that is something I am working on. Part of the reason I don’t ask is because I can’t seem to be clear with my words as my brain is racing, and I can’t tell them what I need at that moment. The other reason is that when I finally do ask… I fail to get the help I need ( such as what just happened at the Market).

2 Finances are being openly spoken about and we are moving together on completing some of the goals we had set for that.

3 Being closer is also progressing and we are finding more enjoyable moments together. We are creating time just for us and that is working. We are as always talking to each other about our needs but the conversations are constructive now and I feel we have found a way to understand and meet each others needs and wants.

So I use these type of posts to calm my brain when I am stressing and having it written for me to later read and understand where I was mentally.

For those that are reading this please note this is for me to sort my thoughts but also for you as the reader to understand how someone like me with Depression/Anxiety Disorder as well as PTSD copes day to day.

Thank you for your kindness and support.

Moving Along

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Unpacking

We have started to move our Store over to the new location. As John brings in the many boxes I am trying to figure out where everything is going to go when I finally have the cabinets and shelves in.

Tomorrow the final pieces should be coming and I can finally have it all in one room again.

Unpacking all the shirts I realized I have a great selection of different sizes,colours and materials for ab awesome promotional sale when I get the new printer in. I’m so excited that I can do full graphics Hugh quality prints myself and start doing up promotional bundles for local businesses close to us, as a way of introducing ourselves.

I am in process of adding the new location to my Google and Wish Local.

On the home front John and I continue our meetings with the life coach from COPE. Last night we discussed communication. We had a conversation this morning that was quite difficult but I think we are moving forward.

I’ll leave it at that for now as my brain is rushing with anxiety and I can’t find a balance at the moment.

Move started

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We were able to start moving stuff into the new space today.

Excited to see how this space will work for us to grow and expand. I love all the windows and clear line of site over the neighboring farm fields.

This week I have a few things to finish and then I can focus on packing the rest of the equipment and moving it over next weekend.

I put larger decals on our van. I realized I should have put the QR code on it but I can add it. I printed them a little larger than I should have so we put them on the side window. I’ll print them again so they can go on the other side.

I also started getting help from my mental health worker with getting through my anxiety attacks when I’m decluttering at home. She referred me to housing support.

I had my first meeting with housing support and we have set up a weekly session of an hour to move through the house. We have it set for 1 year.

John and I continue to meet with our life coach through the COPE program. We are working towards our goals and starting to work together better. We really didn’t have huge issues but we were both having difficulties individually and this has given us a way to support each other and come together as a stronger couple.

I am thankful for the support we have been getting and for John taking the help.